battling for my soul

I have been told I think too much.  I guess that is my greatest sin.... for in my thoughts, I mostly wonder about the truth and question all that lay before me.

Unlike many of the people on earth, I do not have this so called faith.  I don't know.  I have this vague memory of me having it... but somewhere along the way, life must have overwhelmed me too much that I outgrew it.  I often think of what it's like...  to not doubt.. to just know for certain and be sure about it.  Is faith a decision? Or is faith given as grace to all those who deserve it?  Yes, I am a person of little faith.  But I won't give up the battle for my soul just yet. 

If faith does not come to find me, I will look for it.  I will force it into me... and hopefully, one day I shall be rewarded the truth. 

I shall seek.

And hopefully, I shall find what I'm looking for... God.

No matter how much I prove and prod,
I cannot quite believe in God;
But oh, I hope to God that He
Unswervingly believes in me.
~E.Y. Harburg, attributed